I am excited to dive into God’s word with you today as we continue our series, “Modern Romance.” If you were here last week, we explored the Scriptures regarding having a higher standard in our relationships. This week, we will go even deeper as we examine the concept of “Dating the Holy Spirit.”

Some of you may wonder if there's someone out there who completes you, especially during this Valentine’s Day weekend. While many preachers prepare messages on love aimed at couples, I believe it’s also vital to consider the single individuals among us, whether they are young or old, single, divorced, recovering from a broken relationship, married, or widowed, because the word of God is relevant to everyone.

Remember, your worth is not defined by having a partner. In fact, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3, NIV).

And so, being single is neither a flaw nor a punishment; it is not an inferior state. Marriage should not be seen as a prize based on looks or as a reward in a competition. Each individual is valuable and complete on their own, finding fulfillment and purpose in their identity with Christ rather than in their relationship status.

You may be thinking, “But you’re married,” and that’s correct. Yet, for a long time, I found it difficult to grasp the significance of marriage. My perspective was muddied by a culture where individuals live together, acting as if they are married, only to later act as though they are divorced, which left me perplexed about the true purpose of marriage. But as I began to read the word of God, I came to understand that it is a grace, because the Bible says,

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

In other words, marriage is an unmerited, undeserved gift from God. It is a profound and beautiful union between two individuals that demonstrates the unconditional love, grace, and commitment exemplified in the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church.

But here’s the thing: if you’re looking for someone to make you whole or validate you, you’ll only be disappointed, because only Jesus can do that. That’s why he prayed in John chapter 17 that we would be one in him. Listen to this prayer; he said,

"I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you" (John 17:20-21, NIV).

And so, in him, we are made complete. The significance you crave comes from the One who created you. Your wholeness can only be found in a holy God who makes you complete. The Bible says it this way in Colossians chapter two:

“You have been given fullness in Christ” (Colossians 2:10, NIV).

When I started studying the Bible 30 years ago, I realized that our culture has misled us into believing that there is one person out there who can complete us. This idea originated in ancient philosophy and has evolved into our Disney fairytales and romantic comedies, leading us to think that there is one person who can make us whole. However, the truth is that we are complete only in Christ.

Some of you singles have wondered, "Is there someone out there for me?" Others of you who are married have wondered, "When is this person going to fulfill me and make me whole?" And that is why I'm sharing this message with you today about dating the Holy Spirit. Because this message is not just for singles; it is for everyone, regardless of what season of life you are in. You see, even if we are married, we still need to actively pursue the Holy Spirit as our partner and soulmate.

Here is what I mean about the Holy Spirit being your partner and soulmate. First, we have to understand what our soul is because Jesus said,

"Is anything worth more than your soul?" (Mark 8:37, NLT).

And so, the soul is of great worth because the soul is the invisible, intangible, psychological, and emotional part of our being. In John’s third letter, he writes to a friend in the church saying,

"I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well" (3 John 1:2, NIV).

In this verse, John addresses a believer, much like I am speaking with you right now. He prays for his friend to prosper physically just as he has experienced the spiritual blessings of God. Essentially, he prays that as your soul, encompassing your mind, will, and emotions, prospers, so too may your life reflect the grace of God.

While I disagree with the world’s concept of finding "the one," I believe that God created us to be spiritual soulmates with himself. As David said so eloquently:

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul” (Psalms 23:2-3, NIV).

Surely, he said,

“Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life” (Psalms 23:6, NIV).

You see, there is a mysterious connection between the physical realm and the spiritual realm, and that connection is found in your soul.

It is for this reason that as Christians, our worldview is distinct from that of the world. Our foundation is rooted in faith and guided by God's principles. And so, we don’t just follow our hearts; we follow God’s will, and the Scriptures are very clear on this matter. In First Thessalonians chapter four, it says:

“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, NIV).

In other words, from the very beginning, God desired for us to adopt a distinct way of thinking, living, and behaving—one that sets believers apart from Gentiles who don’t know him. This means not conforming to the patterns and behaviors of the prevailing culture around us, as Scripture says, without being sanctified,

"Without holiness, no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14, NIV).

Therefore, we don’t rely on our feelings; we rely on the Scriptures, which makes our approach to dating fundamentally different. We date with the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, ensuring that our relationships align with our faith and God’s plan for our lives.

That means that before we date anyone, we need to date the Holy Spirit, because to walk in holiness while dating we must first cultivate a relationship with the Holy Spirit. This is essential because we need to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit so that we are able to:

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace” (2 Timothy 2:22, NIV).

In other words, we need the power of the Holy Spirit to resist the situations and temptations that could lead to sexual sin.

This pursuit of purity, righteousness, or holiness is not a passive endeavor; it won’t happen by accident or default. Walking in purity is the result of a godly pursuit, and without setting godly boundaries, one will seldom walk in sexual purity.

David gives us guidance in this area using a Hebrew style of teaching where he poses a question before providing the answer. He said,

"How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word" (Psalm 119:9, NLT).

This verse emphasizes that the key to maintaining purity is aligning one’s thoughts and actions with the teachings and commandments of God.

David underscores the necessity of seeking the Holy Spirit as he cries out to God saying,

“Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me” (Psalms 51:11, NIV).

In other words, he acknowledges his vulnerability to temptation and how challenging it is to remain on the path of righteousness.

In the same way, we must be in pursuit of the Holy Spirit. We must date the Holy Spirit because what we do today will influence tomorrow’s marriage. If we don’t value purity in our singleness, how can we expect to value purity in marriage? But when we seek the Holy Spirit, dating the Holy Spirit, the Bible promises,

“God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV).

Dating the Holy Spirit equips us to resist urges and fleshly desires, giving us an escape. This same principle applies to married individuals facing temptations, helping them to honor God. However, if we don’t train ourselves to honor God and pursue purity during our dating, we will likely struggle in marriage. Therefore, we should seize the opportunity today, right now, to pursue purity and learn to control our bodies in a way that is holy and honorable.

We want to date the Holy Spirit now before it is too late because the Bible tells us that:

“The Spirit helps us in our weakness” (Romans 8:26, NIV).

Therefore, we must do everything we can to be in a relationship with the Holy Spirit, live our lives guided by him, strive for purity, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead and transform us. This is fundamental Christianity, this is Bible 101, as the apostle Paul told the church.

“Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature” (Galatians 5:16, NIV).

That is our key verse, and that is why we need to date the Holy Spirit before entering into a relationship with anyone else. We want to live by the Spirit, pursuing righteousness, because:

“Those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” (Romans 8:14, NIV).

And so, we want to surround ourselves with others who are dating the Holy Spirit because that is going to encourage godly relationships. We need a faith community to encourage us, which is why the apostle Paul advised Timothy,

“Pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22, NIV).

While you don’t have to exclusively hang out with Christians, being part of a genuine faith community is essential for walking in purity.

We need guidance in our culture today because there are so many different voices twisting moral standards and confusing what is right and what is wrong. In fact, the Bible warns against those who distort the truth saying:

"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter" (Isaiah 5:20, NIV).

As we date with the Holy Spirit, we will have the discernment to recognize truth from error. We need that in today’s culture because many progressives embrace the idea that “love is love.” In other words, they say, “As long as we love each other,” but the Bible clearly prohibits dating or marriage between the same gender. In fact, it says in the strongest language,

"'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable…” (Leviticus 20:13, NIV).

And so, to claim, “But we love one another” doesn’t stand, it doesn’t hold water against the word of God. Some people may say they can’t shake off the feelings they have or their attraction for the same sex, but that’s exactly why the Bible says,

“Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature” (Galatians 5:16, NIV).

You see, when we date the Holy Spirit, it becomes extremely clear what is right and what is wrong. God created us male and female for a purpose, but when you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, and lustful pleasures (Galatians 5:19, NLT).

It was for that reason that Jesus refocuses us on the divine mandate and purpose of procreation by stating clearly that both parties must be of the opposite gender. He said in Matthew chapter 19,

"For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5, NIV).

Making it very clear that the biblical view of relationships, is that of a man and a woman, and not a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or either with any other created thing.

Another point I want to make about dating with the Holy Spirit is that, as Christians, the other person must not only identify themselves as a believer, but they must be born again. Jesus said point-blank:

“I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again” (John 3:3, NIV).

In other words, you’re either part of the team or you’re not. You are born again or you aren’t, because the Bible says,

“Even the demons believe” (James 2:19, NIV).

And so, a qualified partner must live by the Spirit, they must be born again, belonging to the Lord as the Bible says in First Corinthians:

"A woman is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39, NIV).

In other words, this is not just about having similar values, not just about attending church, reading the Bible or praying, but they must belong to the Lord. Here is the qualifier for a believer in Romans chapter 6:

“Now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life” (Romans 6:22).

And so, if you are dating someone that doesn’t belong to the Lord you are unequally yoked and are in direct rebellion against the word of the Lord.

Now, some of you might say but what about me? Maybe you’re married and you know that your relationship could be so much better. Well, the Bible says,

“Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him” (1 Corinthians 7:20, NIV).

In other words, if a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her.

“And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him” (1 Corinthians 7:13, NLT).

For singles, dating with the Holy Spirit means recognizing that dating is for marriage and not just recreation, as dating for fun can lead to broken hearts and spiritual attachments. It’s important not to use or take advantage of someone’s heart for your own pleasure, entertainment, or companionship.

On the other hand, for married couples, it’s essential to continue dating your spouse, dating is meant for marriage, and so don’t stop dating, pursue your spouse.

One last point: when you date, date with the Holy Spirit, involve both pastors and parents to seek wise counsel for significant decisions. In Proverbs chapter 11, it says,

“There is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:14, NLT).

And so, getting pastors and parents involved helps to prevent us from acting on impulse because feelings of infatuation can be deceptive. Having the counsel of many advisers provides wisdom and helps us to avoid making poor decisions.

We should date with the Holy Spirit and let those filled with the Holy Spirit speak into our lives. Without the Holy Spirit, we miss out on wisdom and common sense, which protect us from harm. It’s crucial to lean on godly parents and pastors for prayer and guidance, ensuring we are led by the Holy Spirit. Throughout the dating process, we should avoid sexual immorality and postpone sexual relationships, as the Bible instructs us in Hebrews 13:4 to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure. If unmarried, even when engaged, honor God by abstaining from sexual relations until marriage, as the sexual relationship seals the marriage covenant in God's eyes.

I encourage you to date differently than the world does—date with the Holy Spirit, guided by His wisdom and according to God's will. Ensure your partner is of the opposite gender, genuinely in the Lord, and that there is a clear purpose for dating and marriage. Seek wisdom and counsel from others to address your blind spots and walk in purity, even if the person you are dating will eventually be your spouse.

As we close this morning, if you can follow Jesus without feeling a desperate need for the Holy Spirit, it’s worth questioning why. Our spiritual journey as a church is about seeking everything God has for us and recognizing the reality of the Holy Spirit and welcoming his work in our lives. The key to dating the Holy Spirit is to thirst and desire Him. As John 7:37-39 says, Jesus invites those who thirst to come to Him and drink, promising rivers of living water through the Spirit. After His resurrection, Jesus told His disciples to receive the Holy Spirit and again he told them to wait for power from on high.

The Holy Spirit is working in our hearts, and it's up to us to listen and obey. 1 John 5:14-15 reminds us that if we ask according to God's will, He hears us and grants our requests. God’s will is for us to be filled with the Holy Spirit, so be confident and ask for it, believing God wants this for you.

In fact, Luke 11:13 assures us that if earthly fathers know how to give good gifts, how much more will the Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask. So, ask for everything God has for you and receive the Holy Spirit by faith. When we do some will receive the Holy Spirit for the first time, while others will be filled again, but we all constantly need the power of the Holy Spirit.

I encourage you to date the Holy Spirit recognizing the need for Him in your life.

Graphics, notes, and commentary from LifeChurch, Ministry Pass, PC Study Bible, Preaching Library, and Sermon Central. Scripture from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.