Welcome to week two of our series titled “Modern Romance,” where we explore God’s principles for fostering lasting relationships. Today, I want to talk about setting higher standards, and to introduce this topic, I’d like to share a story that repeats itself time and again in our culture.

A boy and a girl begin dating, develop feelings, and decide to move in together. Later, the boy meets another girl and ends his relationship with the first, who then rebounds with another boy and continues the cycle. Eventually, they both marry other people, yet ten years down the line, they find themselves divorced and wondering what went wrong.

While this is a simplified story, it reflects common patterns we observe in the world today. Let's quickly assess what went wrong. The boy and girl engaged in activities meant for marriage without the actual commitment. They lived in sin, behaving as though they were married, and when things didn’t work out, they ended it as if they were getting a divorce.

In the search for that special person, many individuals have imitated marriage and divorce multiple times. When confronted with the real challenges of marriage, it's no surprise that many revert to these rehearsed behaviors, leading to actual divorces.

Today, God desires something greater for His children, as He said, “I hate divorce.” If you want to experience something you’ve never had before, you must take actions you’ve never taken. To reach a destination you’ve never been to, you need to explore a new path.

If you aim to do what everyone else does and have what everyone else has, just follow the common route, the wide gate. However, if you yearn for something unique and extraordinary, you must choose the narrow gate and take a different direction.

Let’s turn to the word of God in Romans chapter twelve, our theme for today, and focus on verse two:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2, NIV)

Today, as we open our hearts to what the Spirit of God says, we seek His guidance to renew our minds and help us see things from a fresh perspective.

You might say, "Well, that’s just not normal," and you’d be right! The truth is, we don’t want anything to do with what’s deemed normal today. Just think about it for a moment—what’s normal in our finances? Debt! What’s normal in relationships? Divorce! We strive for something much greater than what’s labeled normal. We aim for God’s best. Amen?

Today, I want to share some thoughts that challenge the norm. As we dive into the Scriptures, we will see that being different from the world is actually better.

Consider what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians, chapter 3:

"Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a 'fool' so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight" (1 Corinthians 3:18-19, NIV).

In essence, the Spirit of God is telling us that there is a better way. If we follow the customs and patterns of this world, it is considered foolishness in God's eyes. Let's embrace God's wisdom and live in a way that honors Him, even if it seems foolish to the world.

I want to share some thoughts that may appear foolish compared to the wisdom of this world. We aim to achieve a higher standard because God’s standards always far exceed those of this world. Therefore, I’m going to discuss three areas where we will establish a higher standard.

First, I will uphold a higher standard for the people I choose to spend my time with, date, or court. While physical attraction is important, it is not the main factor. As a follower of Christ, we should prioritize deeper, more meaningful qualities. We seek individuals who share our values, faith, and commitment to honoring Jesus Christ. We invest in relationships that transcend surface-level appearances and are built on mutual respect, shared purpose, and spiritual alignment.

This higher standard ensures that we surround ourselves with people who inspire us to grow in faith and love. That’s why the Bible warns us:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV).

The term "yoked" refers to the practice of joining two animals together to plow a field. In the Old Testament, it was considered cruel to yoke an ox and a donkey together due to their differences. Likewise, it would be unwise to link a Christ follower with a non-believer, as their differing worldviews will inevitably lead to conflict.

For instance, a follower of Jesus views money differently; they are generous and willing to give. In marriage, you may encounter contrasting philosophies on how to raise and discipline children. When your child is ill and you’re heading to the emergency room, it doesn’t matter how attractive your spouse is or how much money they have if they can’t join you in seeking God in the mighty name of Jesus. Furthermore, your preferences for spending time may vary, especially when they conflict with church attendance. Therefore, you need someone who is wholeheartedly pursuing God because shared faith and values can endure real-life challenges.

That raises the question: how can you tell if someone is genuinely passionate about Jesus when you meet them? Often, you can recognize this within the first thirty minutes of conversation. Those who truly love Him will naturally guide the discussion toward what they value most. Rather than focusing on video games, sports, education, or careers, they might ask if you attend church because they want you to understand that Jesus Christ has profoundly impacted their life. If you don’t hear that in the first 30 minutes, it's likely they are not born again, and it's not a priority for them.

Let me assure you, this isn't just preacher talk; it's the perspective of a follower of Jesus. You can’t blend into this world and resemble everyone else while being a devoted follower of Jesus. If you are truly following Him, you will be distinctly different and won't conform to the customs and standards of this world. That’s the kind of person you want: not someone who tries to fit in with one foot in the world and one foot in the church. Instead, you need a fully surrendered, passionate disciple of Jesus, seeking Him with all their strength.

Jesus emphasized this when he said, “You are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm, I am about to spit you out of my mouth” (Revelation 3:15-16 NIV).

In other words, if you blend in, go to church without genuine passion for Jesus, and act like a disciple without truly living it, Jesus said, “I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

Similarly, we should set a higher standard for the people we choose to associate with, seeking relationships with those who are genuinely passionate about the kingdom of God. For those who are single, this means looking for a partner who is deeply committed to their faith and walking in the Spirit—they must be born again. A follower of Christ should stand out because Jesus calls us to be different from the world. We should strive for relationships that reflect this higher standard of devotion and purity.

The second thought I want to share with you is about maintaining a higher standard for what I will and won't do.

We often focus on men, but today I want to address the women. Some of you wear tight or revealing clothing and then wonder why you attract the wrong kind of men. I wonder if, perhaps, you’re using the wrong bait?

God wants you to hold yourself to a higher standard. He calls us to be pure and morally blameless in all aspects of life, including relationships. He desires for you to radiate purity and self-confidence, attracting those who genuinely appreciate and respect you for who you are, inside and out.

Many people follow cultural trends, doing what feels familiar without questioning it. It's easy to adhere to what we know without much thought. However, there are things that are right and things that are wrong, which is why the Bible says:

"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." (1 Peter 1:14 NIV)

Let's embrace the possibility that God might enlighten us and shift our perspective. He invites us to see things differently so that we can grow and align our lives more closely with His teachings. This life is a journey of transformation that brings us closer to His purpose for us, as the Bible says:

"Just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do." (1 Peter 1:15 NIV)

"Be holy" refers to being pure and set apart, morally blameless in every area of life, including our relationships. If you desire something you've never had, you must take action you've never taken. Establish your standards based on biblical teachings, and you will discover that God’s way leads to true fulfillment and meaningful relationships.

As followers of Jesus, we must uphold high standards and respect the sanctity of marriage because we are instructed not to conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2 NIV).

It’s unacceptable to engage in intimate activities with anyone other than your spouse. For those who are single, it’s vital not to give away your body, heart, and soul to multiple partners before marriage. Reflect on this and choose not to conform to the patterns of this world. Let God transform your thinking. Embrace His higher standards by declaring that there are certain things you will abstain from until you are married.

We should adhere to this because the Bible tells us:

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." (Hebrews 13:4 NIV)

This means that if the marriage bed is to be honored by all, both married and unmarried individuals should respect the institution of marriage. Therefore, we ought to wait until marriage to share its intimate blessings because God calls us to a higher standard, urging us not to conform to worldly ways but to be transformed by the renewal of our minds.

We all recognize that many marriages are struggling in today's world, and we face numerous cultural challenges. It's important to reflect on this. If you want something you've never had, you must do something you've never done. Similarly, if you want to regain something you once had, you need to do what you did before to rekindle that connection. Jesus expressed it this way:

"Repent and do the things you did at first" (Revelation 2:5 NIV).

Dana and I have been married for 36 years, and we have six kids and almost seven grandkids. Yet, I’m still dating her! By revisiting the things we did in the beginning, we have restored our intimacy, unity, and connection. I like to think that we’re more in love and more committed than ever because we listened to Jesus and returned to the things we once did. Whether married or single, we all need to maintain higher standards for who we spend time with and what we do.

My third point is that we also need to uphold a higher standard for our expectations. When we live for God and serve Him together, we experience blessings beyond what we can imagine. The Bible tells us, "He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20 NIV). By setting and maintaining these higher standards, we open ourselves to the abundant life that God intends for us.

Now, this message isn't focused on a certain gender—it applies to everyone. However, I want to have a heart-to-heart with the good girls. Those of you who are known to be Christians; kind, loving, and compassionate. Yet, someone needs to wake you up because you talk with, flirt with, and even date the wrong guys. Even though everyone has warned you that he's not good news, you still believe you know him better than anyone else does. With the kindness of your heart and all the grace of Jesus, you believe that you can fix his character flaws, change him, and lead him to Jesus.

But I’m going to give you the truth because the truth will set you free. You can’t change him, and no amount of love, patience, or effort on your part will turn him into someone different. That’s why the Bible says:

"A woman is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39).

You are God’s handiwork; you don’t want to be yoked together with a nonbeliever because you were created in Christ Jesus to do good works. That’s why the Bible says:

"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character'" (1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV).

As God’s special creation, His treasured possession, you need to raise your standards because you deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will honor and cherish you, someone who will love you and lay down his life to serve you, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25 NIV).

Remember that God wants the best for you. So don’t settle for a bad boy or a fixer-upper, because God desires for you to have someone who will support you, encourage you, and help you grow in your faith. The Bible says:

"It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thessalonians 4:3, NIV).

So, don’t compromise your standards or accept less than you deserve. You are worthy of all the love and respect from someone who will love you as Christ loves the church.

Some of you have been following Jesus for a while, and you may be thinking that God hasn’t brought anyone into your life yet. So, you might decide to venture into the world to meet someone, perhaps at the gym, the coffee shop, or the club. But let’s be honest; there’s nothing in those places for you; none of them are where you’ll find someone who is truly seeking God. The Bible states very clearly:

"For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV).

Others might rationalize sinful behavior; you know you’ve been getting close, but you haven’t gone all the way. You’ve justified your actions. But I want to encourage you “to test and approve what God’s will is,” because there is a “good, pleasing, and perfect will,” and it doesn’t come from toeing the line (Romans 12:2 NIV). That’s why the Bible says:

"Each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable" (1 Thessalonians 4:4 NIV).

It’s essential to remember that compromising God’s standards by adopting worldly values leads to missing out on the incredible blessings and purpose He has planned for your life. His standards guide you toward a life filled with His grace and favor. When you align yourself with His will, you open yourself to the fullness of His plans, which are meant to give you hope and a future.

While a little compromise may seem appealing in the moment, the lasting fulfillment and peace from living according to God’s will far outweigh any temporary satisfaction. Don’t settle for what everyone else is accepting.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world" (Romans 12:2 NIV).

Never settle for anything less than God’s best. Stay true to His path to experience the abundant life He intends for you.

As we seek God with all our hearts, if He blesses us with a partner, it’s because we can serve Him better together than apart. We must not compromise on God's standards. It may seem foolish to the world, but it is wisdom to the One who created it.

Graphics, notes, and commentary from LifeChurch, Ministry Pass, PC Study Bible, Preaching Library, and Sermon Central. Scripture from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.